SQT: The winter that won’t end, toddler masterpieces, sleep training and a feast

— 1 —

Back in the day when I used to blog semi-regularly (i.e., before children, typically when I was avoiding writing a paper) I loved participating in Seven Quick Takes. Unrelated ramblings from all my favorite bloggers every Friday? Please and thank you. I love having a home for my hodgepodge of mom-brain thoughts.

— 2 —

We’ve had a banner week in these parts. After Daniel’s hospital visit last week, Mary took her turn with the mystery fever, except she accessorized with a cough and sore throat. The end of winter is just ridiculous, you guys. Go home, winter, you’re drunk. It seems like everyone I know is sick or has a sick child. Plus it’s SNOWING right now. The injustice of it all.

— 3 —

It was bound to happen eventually. I discovered this masterpiece during naptime yesterday. I guess this is what happens when Mom is busy changing baby brother’s diapers upstairs.

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Anyone have any tips for getting magic marker off a matte painted wall?

2015-03-26

The real scary part. We’ve had twenty discussions about not touching outlets if we’ve had one, and up to this point Mary’s never shown a smidgen of interest in them. We’ll be replacing THOSE with tamper-proof outlets, stat. The mom guilt on this one… it’s intense. What if she’d gotten hurt?

— 4 —

As long as we’re talking mom guilt, let’s talk sleep training. At Daniel’s 2 month check up, I mentioned how he’ll only sleep in the car seat, and the pediatrician (who isn’t our usual doctor) told me to put him in his room, in his crib, and let him cry until he falls asleep. By night three, the doctor promised me, he’ll sleep without a struggle. “He’s twelve pounds now, he can sleep twelve hours at once.” I immediately rebelled against the idea and might have been a little harsh with the doctor. Sleep training at 2 months? Are you out of your mind? This is my BABY we’re talking about. Apparently he’s not the only doctor recommending early sleep training, though. After a couple weeks of rough nights, I’m not entirely against the idea anymore. I honestly don’t know. Could it work? Could I handle the hours of crying for two-three nights? Could Mary, with her bedroom across the hall? Would we all be happier in the end? No idea.

— 5 —

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Retreating to safer waters, now… Obviously I’m no food blogger, but let it be known that in a fit of Sunday tunnel-vision productivity I finally produced a St. Patrick’s feast for my family. (Matt had a GI bug on the actual day of St. Pat’s so we skipped the hearty meal that night.) I made Catholic Cuisine’s Irish Beef and Guinness Stew (above) and this Irish Cream Chocolate Cheesecake (not pictured because I was too busy shoveling it into my mouth). Sometimes it feels good to go all out, you know? Even if your feverish toddler takes a look at the stew and decides to go to bed without dinner instead.

— 6 —

Dear Mellow Mushroom: Open a location in Michigan as soon as possible, please. Matt has been jonesing for some Shroom in a big way. Every weekend he mentions casually, “We could drive to Cleveland and get some Shroom…” You guys, Cleveland is three hours away. I enjoy a good pizza as much as the next person, but not enough to drive six hours with a toddler and an infant. Nope. Not gonna happen. So clearly the only answer to my struggle is for some enterprising soul to open a location here. Our family will keep you in business all on our own, I promise.

Throwback to last year in Louisville, when we had multiple Mellow Mushrooms to choose from.

Throwback to last year in Louisville, when we had multiple Mellow Mushrooms to choose from.

— 7 —

Have a good weekend, y’all. I’m kicking things off a little early with an epic afternoon coffee pour:

IMG_20150327_165620167May your coffee be hot, your children nap well, and your skies produce sunshine instead of snow flurries. Amen.

For more Quick Takes, visit This Ain’t the Lyceum!

A letter to my son on the occasion of his first visit to the ER

Dear Daniel,
Yesterday afternoon we took you to the children’s ER because you were running a fever of 100.4. That may not sound very high, but you’re so little that the pediatrician’s procedure is to send you straight to the ER, do not pass GO. The words the nurse used on the phone were, “Young babies can turn septic so quickly…” Just what your mama’s ears needed to hear.

Now that the experience is behind us and we are back home safe and sound, your temperature back to normal as you snooze comfortably in my arms, I can see the blessings in the midst of the frightening.

image

On the way to the hospital, while I was internally lamenting not building our house on the hospital’s roof for quick and easy access, your sister and I prayed a decade of the Rosary. Then a Memorare. Then a Hail Holy Queen. Then a litany of every saint I could think of (including your sister’s requests for the mommy saints, the daddy saints, the big sister saints, and the baby saints). Outside of Mass, I’m not sure I’ve ever said so many prayers with your sister. I have no idea why not. The peace in the car was almost palpable.

Your daddy left work right away to come join us at the hospital. He called Uncle Joe to let him know what was happening, and without being asked Joe immediately said he would meet us there. At the hospital, as we waited for the doctor, I posted on social media about what was going on. Right away the offers to help flooded in from our friends. Uncle Joe eventually took your sister home and cared for her through the evening. We are so blessed to have such a loving community here.

After you had some Tylenol in you and you got some rest, you smiled and gurgled at the nurses and doctors, melting their hearts instantly. YOU were a blessing to them, even as they blessed us with their skilled and careful work. Who knows what they had witnessed that day in the course of their shifts? The scariest part for me wasn’t when your temperature hit 101.5 or when they put an IV in your tiny hand. No, the scary part was watching terribly sick children parade by our door on hospital beds. Those nurses and doctors see so much suffering. You lightened their load.

Finally, last night reminded me once again that you are not mine. You have just been entrusted to me for a time. I am not in control. God loves you more than I ever could, sweetheart, and yet it’s so hard for me to trust Him with you. Baby steps. Let it be done to us according to His will.

I love you. I’m so glad you are safe,
Mommy

A whole lot of real, which will hopefully be funny and make you happy?

I WAS hoping to link up with Pretty, Happy, Funny, Real this week, the always-entertaining linkup from Like Mother, Like Daughter in which bloggers share one photo or thought in each category. For example, a blogger who has is it all together might post a pretty photo of her carefully curated and liturgically appropriate prayer corner, a happy photo of her clean and laughing children, a funny anecdote from a child’s creative imaginative play, and a real photo of a baby covered in smushed bananas, because babies will be babies.

Well. Friends, we just moved into a new house right after the baby was born and my husband is working 70 hour weeks. Ain’t nobody got time for making things around here pretty. We aim for functional and mostly sanitary. I’m just proud when I manage to get the laundry and dishes into the correct magic cleaning machines (what did moms do before machines?!) and a mostly-homemade dinner on the table by the crack of 8pm.

Social interaction is pretty rare since my toddler won’t wake up until 11am (due to a combination of the baby waking her up at night, daylight savings and her just plain taking for-ev-er to fall asleep at night). All toddler activities and playgroups take place at 9 or 10 am. It’s an unwritten law. Not that I want to take her out anyway since her behavior has been so bad the last week. To be fair, she’s a really good kid and I know the screaming and crying could be much worse- it’s just that I also know she can do so much better! Gah! We ventured out to the mall last week for a couple unavoidable errands and her SCREAMING- oh my word- I am still cringing. We might never go to the mall again.

On the plus side, we managed to hold our first gathering at the new house. It happened quite by accident- Matt wanted to grill out for lunch in our lovely springish weather, so he invited his brother over, except his brother had friends over at his house already, so the whole gang came over to our place for the afternoon. There was some frantic tossing of dirty dishes into the sink and some speedy removal of empty cardboard boxes from the family room, but oh well. If I wait for my house to be clean to invite people over, I’ll never invite people over, and I want our home to be a gathering place.
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Mary loved having so many grownups at her house since she thinks every grownup is a new playmate. She roped everyone into playing with her.
imageNow Matt has a stomach bug/ food poisoning/ plague and it must be horribly awful because he actually stayed home from work today and hasn’t tried to get out of bed. I’m just hoping and praying that none of the rest of us get it, because of the four of us, he is easily the least whiny. Sorry, hon. Thanks for taking one for the team.

I’m off to deal with the very real toddler screaming in her crib because she doesn’t want to nap and I should probably check on my long-suffering patient upstairs. Happy Monday!

Perspectacles

The brilliant Glennon Melton writes often about remembering to wear her perspectacles. In other words, reframe the situation and look for the positive angle. Knowing today was going to be tough, I made a concerted effort to follow her advice. Here’s what I’ve got:

  1. Baby sleep is the worst. Daniel is a good sleeper by the standards of his age, but holy cow I miss uninterrupted sleep. Reframe: We have a new BABY, you guys!Daniel
  2. Both kids woke up with poop-related difficulties. Scrubbing poop off of bums before I’ve had my coffee ranks pretty high on my list of ways to get a day off on the wrong foot. Reframe: my children have healthy little bodies that make healthy amounts of poop.
  3. Thanks to the time change, Mary is sleeping in even later than usual these days. I had to choose between waking her for playgroup or letting her sleep. I let her sleep, but I’m bummed because I missed a chance to see my friends, including Jenna and her new little squishy baby. Reframe: My kid got the rest she needs because we don’t have to keep to a rigorous school or work schedule yet. That’s pretty awesome. Also, I can connect with friends online if I’m more intentional about commenting and interacting instead of just consuming social media. I’ve been trying to use my phone less this Lent, but going along with what Kendra wrote about adjusting Lenten disciplines as necessary, I’m allowing myself to connect when I need to for my own sanity.
  4. Mary is exceptionally grumpy today because her grandparents’ visit ended yesterday. It’s tough to adjust to less attention and fewer playmates. Reframe: we’re so blessed that Matt’s parents can visit so often. It’s hard when they leave, but my parents hardly ever get to visit and that’s hard in a whole different kind of way.
  5. I had to reheat my coffee three times today before I finally got a chance to drink it, while bouncing a baby and listening to Curious George. Reframe: Thank God for coffee.
  6. When asked why she was screaming, Mary replied, “Because everything hurts in my life!” She’s in SUCH a dramatic stage right now. Reframe: Dramatic toddlers are actually hilarious once the heat of the moment has passed.dramatic
  7. I can’t write a sentence in this blog post without mentally scratching it out and criticizing it as trite or lame or uninteresting. Reframe: practice makes perfect, and maybe it’s time to start practicing my writing skills again. :-)

Five Fallish Favorites

Five Favorites is now being hosted by my sweet friend Jenna at Call Her Happy, and even though I never blog anymore and there are maybe a trillion more important things I could share that have happened since my last update (low estimate), I just couldn’t resist joining in!

 

 

october 15 five favorites

1) Nivea A Kiss of Moisture Lip Balm: Fall for me means chapped lips. It’s a problem. This is hands-down my favorite lip balm as the weather turns cooler. I love how it absorbs quickly and doesn’t leave my lips feeling all balm-y for long. I’ve also used it on a ridiculous patch of dry skin on my chin (oh pregnancy and your odd side effects!) and it’s been very effective. You might get weird side-eyes from people for putting lip balm on your chin while idling at a stoplight. Full disclosure.

2) Homemade fall-themed play dough recipe from Wildflower Ramblings: This is first homemade play dough recipe I’ve ever tried, but I see no reason to ever try another. It’s the best! Soft and long-lasting and cleans up well. Might use all the salt in your house, so watch out for that one ;-). I’ve been watching some kiddos on Monday afternoons so their moms can teach catechism classes at our church and we have to hang out in the school library. Grade school books = not appropriate toddler toys. I’ve brought this play dough along the last couple weeks, along with a few cafeteria-style trays to contain the mess, and the kids have been happy little campers.

3) Trader Joe’s mixes OMG (image source): I’ve been doing lots of playgroup type things this fall because Mary is an extremely social creature and we are being intentional about forming friendships in our home-for-the-rest-of-our-lives state. I try to bring along a little snack for the kids and moms when I can, but I’m lazy. Solution: trader joe’s mixes. SO tasty, SO easy. Our favorites lately are the multiberry scone mix, the cinnamon coffee cake mix, and the pumpkin bread mix. Yum. Bonus: It looks like I actually tried ;-)

4) Can we all just take a moment and acknowledge how awesome public libraries are (image source)?? I have been on an absolute reading RAMPAGE lately because all my holds at the library came up at once and because soon a little bundle of joy and tyranny will keep me from doing much reading. As I was returning a book yesterday, I sighed a deep happy sigh and thanked my lucky stars that I have access to so many books for FREE. Well, we pay taxes, but you know. At least they’re using the money for awesome things like libraries. The library is one of Mary’s favorite places too and we happily escape there for hours at a time. P.S. Beth over at Five Kids Is a Lot of Kids is reflecting about books this month at her blog and inviting you to participate in the A Girl With A Book campaign. Click on over! Everyone should have the kind of access to books that we so often take for granted.

5 and a bonus) Uncharacteristically for him, at the beginning of fall Matt mentioned that it might be nice to have some fall decor around the apartment. He had to explain to me what “decor” meant, but after he filled me in on the particulars, I was totally on board! We now have harvest-themed place mats, dish cloths, and window decals. Even more adorably, we have these two sweet etsy finds on display: Thanksgiving Leaves Garland by HeyLittleSister and Knitted Pumpkins by Hawthorne Hill. They are both really well made and I hope they adorn our house for many fall seasons to come. The garland hangs above our dining table and proclaims look! We decorated for fall! The pumpkins are new favorite toys of Mary’s and they hold up to her abuse well. When they’re not being pulled around in a toy shopping cart or thrown in a game of catch, they live on the entertainment center. Yay fall!

That’s all from me for now. I’m going to go rescue Mary from her cage crib where she is grumpily not-napping. Happy favoriting, favoriteers!

Insert witty title here?

You know what blog readers LOVE? Another rambling update about our lives! I knew it!

Last week, Mary and I did VBS at a sweet local church that we will probably be joining soon? Maybe? Michigan, you have so many Catholic church options in a twenty minute radius and it’s a lot for a pregnant mama to handle when trying to select a church for her family to attend for the next 50 years!! (Deep breath. Ok.) So we did VBS and it was mostly awesome. Mary hung out in the nursery where they have copious toys and tiny babies (we had several talks about how those are not toys). There were also enough teen girls so each toddler pretty much had his or her own teen to boss around for the week, a perk that Mary took full advantage of. I almost felt sorry for Mary’s teen when I caught sight of Mary ushering her outside for another round of  bubble-blowing or playground-hopping. Almost, but not quite. I exchanged freedom from my tyrannical toddler for responsibility for twelve third graders. They were a pretty good bunch, but their combined energy level far exceeded my toddler’s and Mary and I enjoyed desperately needed naps every afternoon last week.

hot dog

Seriously into the post-VBS-picnic hot dog offerings.

 

On Saturday, Matt and I attacked the remaining boxes in the apartment with great fury and now our place looks much more livable. Mary made her suffering known with loud whiny protests as we went through box after box of books in our storage unit. Hmm, I thought, her nose is running a bit. Probably all the fake crying.

Veteran moms know what’s coming next. On Sunday we all fell ill with the post-VBS head cold of doom. We turned down doughnuts after Mass because we were feeling so bad. Mary and I took naps, Matt went out on a twelve mile run (we have different definitions of discomfort) and when he came back Mary was laying on top of me on the couch watching Sesame Street. The couch-laying and Sesame Street binging continued pretty much through Monday night, when I collapsed into bed for a heavenly 12+ hours of sleep. Today I’m feeling much better and so is Mary. Matt continues onward with his takes-more-than-a-cold-to-get-me-down attitude. When I woke up this morning, I found that he had done two loads of dishes, a load of diapers and straightened up the kitchen. All while sick. That man’s a keeper.

Pollywog, the internal baby, is still doing well. I’m starting to wear maternity bottoms because I got tired of tight waist bands, but I don’t really look pregnant yet. I had my first person ask me when I was due, which was a nice affirmation that I don’t just look like I’m putting on extra pounds. I’m starting to flip out a little at the idea of having two little people to care for. Life is pretty comfortable right now with the one-to-one ratio Mary and I have going on. We’ve got our little routine and she’s old enough that we can do lots of things during the day together. I’m nervous about upsetting the status quo. Mary’s newborn phase was NOT my favorite so that’s making me anxious too.

turtle

On a recent mommy-daughter outing to the Matthei Botanical Gardens. She climbed up there all on her own and she was SO PROUD.

I can just feel it in my bones that this is going to be awesome, though. The best thing you can give a kid is a sibling, right? They’re going to have so much fun growing up together. And Matt and I will have another bundle to love and adore and obsess over. Did you see that thing the baby just did?! Yep… we’re blessed.

That’s what we’re up to, friends. What’s new with you? Tell me all of your grand summer adventures!

Life update about ALL THE THINGS

:microphone tap:

Hello? Anyone out there?

Sorry it’s been a minute, darling imaginary blog readers! Life has been moving at a rather hectic pace the last few months. It still is, for that matter, but so much has happened in our little family that my need to share my life on the internet has hit maximum capacity ;-). Settle in, I’ll try to keep this on the novella side of novel but I make no promises.

Firstly! In case you missed my exuberant facebook and instagram posts this week, or if you’ve been lucky enough to avoid my large and slightly obnoxious group texts, I have news for you!

pollywog birth announcement

We are expecting a Pollywog, due January 7! We’ll probably name the critter something more human-like when it’s born. I’m twelve weeks now and the worst of the morning sickness seems to be behind us (I type as I knock on all the wood surfaces nearby). We heard the heartbeat for the first time and it was a sweet, sweet sound. It was very fitting that we found out we are expecting on Mary’s birthday. She loves babies with great passion and will make an excellent big sister.

Which brings us to our second piece of news… somehow, my little baby turned two last month!

mary singing birthday song

Here she is directing her own happy birthday song at her party with her friends. Oh, cutie pie, you’re such a fierce bundle of energy and personality and sweetness. I love you so.

We were able to celebrate in Georgia with family first, then we had a low-key party at Mary’s favorite park with her Louisville buddies. Pro tip: if you send out evites to your friends inviting them to your child’s birthday party, quadruple check that you put the right date on the invites. Not that I would know or anything… Anyway, it was a lovely time and also served as a good thank you/ we love you/ goodbye party with our Louisville friends who have been so kind to us.

News item number three: we’re back in Michigan! After ten months on launch in Louisville, Matt’s assignment at the Louisville Assembly Plant wrapped up and we’re living in the Canton area again. Same apartment complex, actually. Two doors down from our last apartment. We like familiarity, ok? Louisville was very good to us but it’s great to have Matt’s work hours back to normal. We moved two weekends ago, so at this point we’re unpacked enough that things are functional but not pretty. We’ll get there.

Other things that have happened lately, condensed into bullet points for the sake of brevity:

  • Matt and I celebrated our third wedding anniversary on May 14th
  • Matt turned 26 right after we moved to Michigan (happy birthday, sweetie!). I managed to make Matt a cake for his birthday in my barely-unpacked kitchen, which made me very proud.
  • We took a couple of family trips in May.
    • We went to Georgia for the final days and funeral of Matt’s grandfather, which was a deeply sad but beautiful family time.
    • We went to Charleston for our official end-of-launch vacation and introduced Mary to the ocean. They are now fast friends.
    • At the end of the week we drove to South Bend for the wedding of close friends and a little Domer reunion.
    • Annnd tomorrow we’re driving from Michigan down to Georgia again for shutdown week, the mandatory vacation time Ford asks us to take every year.

So yep, that’s what’s going on with our family! I’ll leave you with a baby beach picture and vague promises to try to blog more often. Let’s try for sometime before baby #2 becomes an external baby, mkay?

beach kisses

 

Liturgical Living Resources

Hellllooooooo out there! Sorry for the radio silence around these parts. We’ve been traveling and/or hosting friends and relatives for something like the last six weekends and I’m a little worn out. Still haven’t found a rental house in Michigan (well, we’ve found plenty, but they haven’t worked out for one reason or another, I’ll spare you the mundane details). Today I’m just popping in to share a list of Liturgical Living Resources I just generated for my moms’ group at church. Let me know if they help you or if you have more to add to the list!

Tips on how to get started living liturgically

 

Church calendar resources

 

Blogs I read that share monthly liturgical living ideas (check out their archives, too!)

  • Catholic All Year – probably my favorite Liturgical Living blog, I love her in-depth explanations of her family traditions

  • Carrots for Michaelmas – at the end of every month she posts a big list of feast days for the next month complete with crafts, recipes, traditions, etc

  • Two Os Plus More – great family ideas, especially for families with small children

  • Catholic Cuisine– awesome recipes, including plenty for lesser-known feast days. extensive archives. I figure, I’m going to cook dinner anyway, it might as well be liturgically relevant once in a while.

  • Waltzing Matilda – I especially love her extensive library of saint coloring pages

  • Catholic Icing– so many great craft ideas and printables!

  • Catholic Playground– lots of good coloring pages, recipes and even Lego activities

 

Pinterest Boards (I kind of avoid pinterest like the plague because it makes me feel guilty and inadequate, so this section is pretty sparse. I’m sure Amy has plenty of good boards to share ;-))

 

Helpful Websites

  • CatholicCulture.org – Big website with tons and tons of info in their liturgical living section. I love how they create a calendar each month (here’s April’s) with information about feast days and links to recipes, prayers, readings, and activities for each day. It’s easy to get overwhelmed on this site because there’s SO much info, but it’s a great place to go for in-depth explanations and saint  backstories.

  • A couple sites for weekly Mass-related worksheets for older kids (elementary school aged instead of toddlers :-) )

 

Books worth checking out

 

Lent thoughts from wiser people than me

Lent and I… don’t really get along. I always wind up either…

A) suffering loudly and grumpily
B) being super proud of how I’ve given up things successfully
C) caving two weeks in and throwing in the towel
or D) all of the above.

Basically, Lent always ends up being more about ME than about God. Womp womp. Fortunately, Lent comes again each year, and God will always give me another shot. Someday maybe I will wake up and discover all this struggling has made me a holier person. Stranger things have happened.

Meanwhile, go check out these excellent posts on Lent and suffering:

  • “The White Post. Or Couch” by Mary of Better than Eden
  • “There are constant voices in the world, in the land of blogs, in our own heads, telling us to choose what is more comfortable, what is easier, what is more practical.  Don’t overdo it, they say… If I could encourage you about anything this Lent it would be to take on something real.  Don’t fall for the practical.  Go for the beautiful.”

  • “Not So Great Expectations” by Dwija at House Unseen
  • “It’s not abnormal for there to be frustrations.  No.  That’s how this life IS.  And my job, well, my job is to allow God use those bricks of suffering to pave me a clear path to Him.”

  • “Saying no (to yourself)” by Tsh at The Art of Simple
  • “Think about your default indulgences, the rituals in your life you save for your escape hatch…is there something there you might need to set aside for a short period of time in order to strengthen your soul? Could you benefit from a brief hiatus from that (fill in the blank) in your life?”

And if you start to feel like this is all just too much- join me in reading this post over and over again, because it’s just so full of wisdom: “The secret to not being overwhelmed” by Jen at Conversion Diary.

Talk to me. Do you ROCK at Lent? Do you dread it a bit like me? What helps?

HDYDI: Keep a toddler quiet in the front pew at Mass (717 Day 7!!!!)

Phew! Day 7! We made it. For my final day of blogging homage, I’m going to highlight Team Whitaker. Katheryn is a lovely, outgoing, and sweet mama of six great kiddos. Reading her blog is like stepping into a warm puddle of Texas sunshine- she’s so hospitable, you feel right at home. I especially love her  How Do You Do It (HDYDI) posts. She answers reader questions about everything from how her family celebrates Advent to how she gets all those kids out the door on time every morning to how she organizes her home. I have learned so much from those posts! She’s just a well of practical no-nonsense advice. In honor of Kathryn, I will try my hand at my own HDYDI post!

Hrm, wait a minute. I am but a neophyte at this marriage and parenting game. Hardly in a position to offer advice when I’m still learning every day. But surely there’s something…

Ah. I know. Sometimes parents approach me after Mass, a little bit of awe in their eyes, and ask me how I kept my toddler mostly quiet in a front pew through Mass. They seem amazed that I never had to sprint down the aisle with a screaming tot in tow.

My secret?

Step one: Birth a child who has a bottomless pit for a stomach. Step two: Attend an evening Mass close to her normal supper time. Step three: Let her shovel food into her mouth through the whole Mass.

Problem solved!

Problem solved!

Hahaha, you thought I had a tiny Saint on my hands who loves to pay attention to Mass? Hahahahaha. Still laughing.

I mean, she likes some parts. She really likes it when the cross processes down the aisle. She likes mimicking the priest washing his hands before consecration. And she LOVES the sign of peace. She also has a Mass bag with holy cards on key rings, Catholic soft books and a couple board books. But if you asked her, I’m sure she would say in toddler-ese that she’s only there for the food.

Yep, this will create all sorts of problems down the line when she gets older and we have to start cutting back the snacks at Mass. For now, though, it’s working for us. And that’s good enough for me.

Thanks for hanging with me through all the posts this week, you guys! I have a few ideas jotted down for future posts. Who knows, maybe this blogging thing will become a habit again.

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